At a diner in Virginia Beach, David Roberts ate his eggs in quick, restless bites. His fork clattered against the plate. A bit of food landed on his shirt.
David was first tested at four, but it took more than two years, and multiple rounds of testing, before doctors said the word “autism.”
He’s 25 now, but for most of his time, the world was too loud. He couldn’t handle more than 90 minutes of noise or crowds. So David’s mother, Becky Roberts, kept him home, teaching him from kindergarten to 12th grade herself.
David said he’s learned to make a kind of peace with the world on his own terms.
“We just want to be left alone, in a lot of ways. If you're not going to make the world a comedy for us, just leave us alone. That's the best we can ask for,” David said.
David’s grandfather worked with kids with special needs, so the family understands the system. But Roberts still struggled to find steady support and understanding for her son.
Her quiet worry lingers whenever she thinks about the future.
“He's the only child,” Roberts said. “There's a lot of concerns about when I'm gone, or when I'm not able to help, what's going to happen.”
Roberts lost her husband less than three years ago, and she’s recently been recovering from hip surgery by using a wheelchair. David has become the only person in the household to help her get around.
In Hampton Roads, there are hundreds of families like Roberts’, who are navigating a maze of services with little guidance.
Resources exist, but parents say finding them can feel like a scavenger hunt, especially for those with kids who have aged out of youth programs.
Long waits for diagnosis, along with renewed political rhetoric framing autism as a “crisis,” add to the pressure and anxiety.
The clock starts early. The system doesn’t.
Long waits for diagnoses can mean missing the critical early-intervention window.
Nearly two-thirds of autism centers nationwide report wait times longer than four months for an evaluation — and more than 15% say families can wait over a year or can’t even get on a list.
Dana Young-Askew, a Virginia Beach mother of three autistic children, remembers how hard it was the first time around. Her oldest wasn’t diagnosed until elementary school, and she spent that time searching for answers alone.
When she saw early signs in her youngest son, Drayden, she pushed for answers fast. He was diagnosed at 25 months, started therapy right away and today he’s thriving in school.
“He presents very differently than someone who may have had a later diagnosis, because he's had years and years of service to where he is very regimented and he has a schedule, and those early interventions really help,” Young-Askew said.
More kids than ever need that intervention. Federal data show diagnosed autism cases are on the rise in Virginia. The rate nearly tripled between 2012 and 2022, reaching 38 cases per 1,000 children.
Trey McGlohn, who runs Autism Consulting & Therapy in Virginia Beach, said the progress gap between a child diagnosed at two years old and another diagnosed at three can be “massive.”
“We’ve never had a two-year-old need more than a year and a half of services,” McGlohn said. “Older kids often need years.”
Children who start therapy before age three often gain the skills to join classrooms within a year, McGlohn said.
While early-intervention services can be life-changing, families say support drops sharply once kids age out of school programs.
Roberts said her son lost access to the social activities he once enjoyed — like sensory-friendly movie nights or group outings — that helped him feel connected.
She wishes there were local programs for young adults to socialize safely, even virtually.
“I think it would be good to have some sort of group and maybe even possibly over zoom, because that way they can be in their own home environment where they could talk and express themselves without any fear in a safe environment,” Roberts said.
The Autism Society Tidewater Virginia is often one of the first stops for families looking for help.
“We're the connector,” said Chief Operating Officer Whitney King. “We connect families to these providers and connect providers to these families and other resources.”
The group serves nearly 500 families each month. They host parent circles, adult art programs and maintain an online directory with more than a hundred local resources.
“I don't think that there is a lack of resources,” King said. “I think what's important is for families to hold a conversation so that they understand exactly what resources they're looking for.”
But King said it’s not just about offering programs — it’s about making sure people can find them when they need them.
She said autism resources are often scattered, and navigating them takes time.
Struggling to secure reliable support for her three autistic children, Young-Askew eventually built part of that system herself.
She now runs Connection Point Services, a home-care agency that helps families access Medicaid waivers so parents can be paid caregivers – a crucial resource for families who can’t work because of their child’s intensive needs. Since launching in 2024, she’s grown to serve more than 60 clients across Virginia.
A “crisis”?
For parents like Roberts and Young-Askew, those daily challenges are compounded by a growing wave of political rhetoric framing autism as a “crisis.”
U.S. Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has long touted unproven claims linking vaccines to autism. More recently, he promoted similar claims about prenatal Tylenol use, though this week admitted there isn’t enough evidence to support those claims.
“It's scary, especially as parents, because we want to protect our kids, even if they're adults, we still want to protect them, and that's a problem. It's a real problem,” Roberts said.
Young-Askew said those conversations often do more harm than good.
“Parents second guess themselves,” she said. “I think they start saying, Well, did I take Tylenol? Did I take too much Tylenol?”
She said what families really need are timely diagnoses, better education support and more resources once children turn 21 — not speculation about what causes autism.
“Those are conversations that I feel like are a lot more productive in space, rather than like we think this may be related somehow because of the mom, because I think that's an unfair guilt to put on a mother,” Young-Askew said.
